Izuna's Adventure
by Lucillia
Summary: Izuna decides to experiment with his Mangekyo Sharingan and ends up in a world where his counterpart is a fratricidal ass who wanders around wearing an open shirt and a purple rope for a belt.
1. Chapter 1

Uchiha Izuna downed his who knows how manyth drink. He was in that most dangerous state of drunkenness, that state between really buzzed and quietly sliding down one's chair until one reaches the floor, that state where the most ridiculous activities such as spraying the street down with a hose while it's freezing out to turn it into an ice rink seem sensible, completely logical even. A large number of his and his brother's experiments with the Mangekyo Sharingan had occurred while they were in this state. Drunken experiments had led to the discovery of Amaterasu and the subsequent destruction of several tents, as well as the discovery of the fact that Tsukuyomi wasn't as useful in the bedroom as it was on the battlefield as one had to have a great deal of skill and imagination in that area to properly fill three days non-stop without it becoming awkward.

This time, Izuna was trying to see if the Mangekyo Sharingan could bend space and time since it could already do a bunch of other cool and useful things most people would consider completely impossible. Apparently, judging by his surroundings and the fact that that waterfall hadn't been there a second ago, it could. Why someone would carve statues of his brother and the Senju bastard Hashirama into the sides of the waterfall like those statues in that story about the evil ring though, he didn't know.

Loud snoring was coming from the top of his brother's head. In a mood for adventure, he decided to investigate. When he reached the top of the statue he found the source of the snoring, which was a man in an orange mask, long black coat with red clouds with white detailing, a black sweatshirt, black pants, grayish white gaiters and black sandals who was sound asleep on top of the statue. The reason for this - since the position seemed to be a rather uncomfortable one as the man was wedged between several of Madara's hair spikes - was fairly obvious as he could smell the alcohol from here, and from the smell of it it was the cheap sake his brother preferred when he was out to get drunk.

"Did I say you could speak Itachi? No. Now get back in the kitchen and cook my dinner bitch." the man mumbled in his sleep.

He felt sorry for that Itachi person even if he was a figment of the man's imagination. His brother always did that to him when it was his turn to cook. Considering how bad a cook Madara was, it was always his turn to cook.

"Be a little nicer, or I'll spit in your food jerk." he said almost automatically. That had been his usual response to his brother's antics.

"Whatever bitch." the man mumbled.

"No inarizushi for you tonight jerk." he replied as he hopped off the statue's head and picked a random direction in which to explore. He wasn't really in the mood to have a brotherly argument with a sleeping weirdo, even if he sounded just like his brother. A loud cry of "Noooooooooooo!" followed him.

Just like Madara. Inarizushi was the man's favorite food, and had been ever since they were little. There had been a time when they were both kids where Madara had refused to eat anything else for almost a month. It had nearly driven their poor mother spare, and had been one of the reasons his brother and him had been shipped off to their father and the battlefield several years earlier than their peers usually were.

After leaving the strange old guy who reminded him of his brother, he wandered aimlessly around the countryside for a while, occasionally running into villages, and found that he recognized the landscape as being part of Fire Country, even if it wasn't the Fire Country he knew and had been camped in when he'd done his little experiment. He'd taken enough jobs for this place and places that wished to attack it to be able to recognize it on sight despite the fact that there was a great deal more trees here than in the Fire Country he knew. After the last battle he'd been involved in, which had oddly enough taken place in the area he was currently walking through, he'd been left with the feeling that nothing would grow on that desolate landscape he'd left behind ever again.

There was absolutely no sign of that battle which had taken place only weeks before here, though there were a number of stones that looked suspiciously like old grave markers. Instead of the desolation he remembered, there was forest, forest, forest, and even more forest. Inside the forest, - did he mention there was a forest? - there was a group of travelers. At the head of the group was someone who was apparently his alternate universe counterpart if the adventure stories he'd read as a child about people slipping into other dimensions were true. He himself would never be caught dead in the outfit his other self was wearing however. He had worn more traditional clothes before, mainly on occasions when he needed to dress up a bit and armor wasn't called for, but he wouldn't go so far as to leave his top open in the middle of freaking autumn. That, and that purple rope thing looked fucking stupid.

His other self was traveling with a tall orange haired guy, a short blue haired guy with a sword that was almost as large as he was, and a hot red-haired chick. He hoped that the glasses she wore were for decoration, otherwise any children his other self had with her could turn out defective.

His other self coldly scrutinized him.

"Who are you?" his other self finally asked.

"I'm you from another dimension." he replied.

"Yeah right." his other self sneered as the red-haired chick looked back and forth between him and his counterpart who - now that he thought about it - looked a little younger than himself and finally came to a decision.

"So, are you single?" the woman asked as she latched onto him.

"Does it matter?" he asked as he pulled out the scroll that contained his spare tent.

&!&!&!&

Izuna stormed off into the woods. He'd spent two days with his alternate universe counterpart who was named Sasuke for some strange reason, and couldn't take any more of his company. The other man was an insufferable asshole who was worse than Madara when he was on one of his "The Uchiha have a legacy of hatred" kicks. The only reason he'd stayed as long as he had had been Karin who was insatiable.

Unfortunately, Karin had finally fallen asleep, and he'd been left pretty much alone in his counterpart's company as the tall orange haired guy had gone off to commune with nature, and the blue haired guy who could turn himself into liquid had gone off to do something with a nearby stream that he didn't even want to think about if he ever wanted to drink water in this universe again. He didn't stay there for long. Not even his red haired goddess could get him to stay with that fratricidal jerk.

Hopefully the short letter he left putting the reason for his departure squarely in "Sasuke"'s lap would mitigate any of the potential fallout that came with his leaving a lover while they were asleep. Being chased across three countries by a homicidal woman had not been fun, and had led to his personal policy of completely avoiding the Uzumaki especially after what the woman's brothers had done to him after it was discovered that she was pregnant. He still had nightmares about that howling witch.

He hadn't been paying too much attention to where he was going as he made his getaway, and had ended up in the middle of a Ninja camp, inadvertently trampling a blond boy who was about sixteen or so during his arrival. He didn't recognize the clan symbol they all wore on metal plates attached to cloth bands. They were probably a band of mercenaries considering the fact that no two of them looked to be related, and one of them was a Hyuuga.

Moments after he entered the camp, he was being called by his counterpart's name and being hugged and cried on by a pink haired...wow, she had a nice ass, both firm and supple.

"A-are you going to come back to Konoha?" the girl asked him after she finished crying.

"I'll go anywhere you want me to baby." he replied. That counterpart of his had clearly thrown away a good thing. Not only was "Sasuke" popular for some incomprehensible reason, he was also a babe magnet like himself. If the other women in this "Konoha" place were half as attractive as this pink haired girl and that Hyuuga over there...His brother said his little side hobby would get him killed one day, but what a way to go.

The Inuzuka boy fell off his dog, out of the tree they were standing in, and landed on his head as he copped another feel while hugging the pink haired babe. He barely had time to notice this however, since the blond he'd trampled earlier leapt upon him with a cry of joy and started hugging the stuffing out of him.

"I knew you'd come back to us one day teme dattebayo!" the blond yelled.

Dattebayo? Dattebayo? Oh gods, please no!

Before he could fully process what was happening as he'd retreated into his mind in order to defend what was left of his sanity from the blond who bore a striking resemblance to the howling witch and sounded like her too, he was being dragged to the Konoha place by the blond Uzumaki freak of nature who wouldn't stop talking at him about what they were going to do once he got back the entire way.

Behind him, he could hear a slightly worrisome conversation.

"Something wrong Kiba?" the masked man with the wild gray hair that reminded him of one of the brothers who led the Senju clan, the younger one, Tobirama, asked.

"He smells like Sasuke, but he doesn't." the Kiba person said. "There's a Sasuke transfer scent, and an underlying Uchiha scent, but..."

"I see." the masked man said.

"I was wondering how he'd managed to grow his hair that long in the weeks since we last saw him." the brown haired man said.

"How?" the silver haired man said. "I was wondering why. You wouldn't believe the number of hair growth jutsus I managed to copy. They come quite in handy when a certain blond shaves your head while you're recovering from Chakra Exhaustion."

Since the rest of the mercenary group seemed to consist of teenagers, he assumed that the brown haired man and the masked man were the leaders, which meant that they were the strongest and most experienced. Considering the Chakra levels he'd been able to sense in the younger members of the group, especially the blond Uzumaki - How the hell was there a blond Uzumaki anyway? Wasn't their red hair gene dominant in any pairing? - this could really be as he'd once heard a Nara put it "Troublesome".

"Who are you?" the masked man asked in a dangerous tone of voice as he reached for a weapon, apparently prepared to fight to the death if necessary, as soon as the conversation with the Inuzuka and the brunet had ended.

"The name's Izuna." he replied, not yet pulling a weapon since that could cause the situation to escalate out of control.

"If you're looking for that asshole Sasuke, I ditched him somewhere back that way." he continued as he pointed in the direction he'd come from.

"What condition was he in when you "ditched" him?" the silver haired man asked as his hand moved towards the headband that was covering one of his eyes.

"Sitting there nattering on about how he was going to kill his brother, and how I was going to help him." he said. "Since I wasn't in the mood to go killing my brother..."

"Your brother...?" the blond Uzumaki asked while the entire group stood there staring at him in surprise.

There was a sudden "Oh!" from the rather shy looking Hyuuga.

"Same father, different mother could explain it." the Inuzuka muttered.

The silver haired man's hand moved away from the headband, but he was still tense.

"Will you come back to Konoha with us after we retrieve Sasuke?" something about the man's demeanor suggested that that wasn't exactly a request. The fact that the man was being nice about it, and the fact that everyone here seemed to believe that he belonged in this "Konoha" place piqued his curiosity. Perhaps his counterpart had gotten kicked out of the clan and had joined this band of mercenaries afterwards. It would fit considering the fact that he wasn't really openly displaying his clan symbol. A tiny one on the collar didn't really count.

When they had finally found where he'd left the fratricidal asshole after the group had turned off their original course and headed back towards where he came from once his identity had been established, Sasuke and company had already broken camp and departed. He could hear alot of yelling in the distance. Apparently, his redheaded goddess Karin was making her displeasure over his departure known.

They were soon hot on "Sasuke"'s trail but, before they could catch up to him, their way was barred by the orange masked weirdo he'd encountered on his first night in this dimension. The battle that followed was the most ludicrous one he'd ever been involved in, and that included the time his clan had gone to battle against a clan of Cooking-nin and it had turned into a pie fight. At least then, their opponent had actually been serious. Throughout the fight, he was rather strongly reminded of what usually happened when he and Madara were playing around rather than seriously sparring.

At one point, he finally found that he had to speak up:

"Hey! You ripped off my Whack-a-mole Jutsu you ass!" he yelled.

The man stopped in his tracks and stared at him. A moment later, the masked man leapt through the air, tackled him to the ground, flung his arms around him, and did his best to crush his ribs with a hug.

"Izuna!" the orange-masked man yelled. "IzunaIzunaIzunaIzunaIzuna!"

What was it with the people in this universe and hugging?

**Edited 2-21-12**


	2. Chapter 2

"Um, who are you and why are you hugging me?" Izuna asked when he was finally able to breathe after the strange masked man had eased up a tiny bit when he noticed that he was turning blue.

"It's me!" the orange masked man said.

"Me who?" he asked, as the reply gave him no clue to the other man's identity other than the fact that he seemed to be insane.

"Me Madara, that's who bitch. I swear, you didn't used to be this stupid before you died." Madara said.

"Died? When'd I die?" he asked.

"Almost eighty years ago." Madara, or at least the guy who was claiming to be Madara replied. "I got my revenge for that though. I also got my revenge on the clan for turning on me too. Me and your great-great-grandson killed the lot of them. I'm in the middle of getting my revenge on all of the Senju, and I'm close to having the Moon's Eye Plan come to fruition like you would have wanted. I just need a couple more Jinchuriki, and it'll be done."

"Moon's eye plan?" he asked with a sinking feeling. Why the hell did that sound so familiar?

Oh...shit. Wasn't that the whacked out World Domination plot he'd come up with when he was high and he and his brother were talking about ways they'd take over the world if they could? Why the hell would Madara try something so stupid?

Oh, yeah. Alternate Universe. He'd ended up in the future of an alternate universe where that Sasuke jerk was his flesh and blood - the thought of which made him cringe worse than the sneaking suspicion he had that the blond Uzumaki freak of nature might be the descendant of his and the howling witch's offspring - and his brother had gone fucking insane without him around to keep him grounded.

"Wait? You actually went through with that stupid idea? Damn. When Hikaku said that I was the only thing keeping you from taking a flying leap off the deep end, I didn't believe that he was actually serious." he said, only barely able to believe that the thing standing in front of him was his flesh and blood in any way, shape, or form, and the reason for his sliver of belief was that it acted too much like his brother when they were practically alone together to be discounted, that, and the Uchiha hair. He'd recognize the Uchiha hair anywhere.

"Stupid idea?" the twisted, and now that he looked through the eyehole of the mask, very old, Madara thing asked, cocking his head to the side in mock curiosity. He knew that head tilt. Somebody was going to say the wrong thing and get their head kicked in because of it.

"I was freaking high when I came up with it! The moon? Seriously? Come on!" he replied still unable to believe that his brother would go through with the insane plot.

Danger signs Nos. 2, 3, and 4 rapidly followed the head tilt. Shit. It looked like it was going to be his ass that got kicked.

"Stupid Idea? Stupid Idea? I spent seventy years lining up that 'Stupid Idea' in order to get it to work!" Madara howled. "I nearly got myself killed by that Senju jerk to get the genetic samples I needed for the statue. I manipulated men and entire countries behind the scenes for decades! I founded the Akatsuki! I did it all for you, and you show up and call it stupid ? !"

The band of Konoha mercenaries took the opportunity of Madara's apparent distraction to make a break for it, most likely after Sasuke since he was the objective of their mission, though he wouldn't rule out the reason being the Killing Intent that was pouring off his brother in waves. Escaping while his brother was busy getting himself worked up over the latest perceived insult sounded like a good idea, since Madara was rapidly heading towards that point where he couldn't tell friend from foe and started killing everybody. That was sort of how he and Madara had gotten their Mangekyo Sharingans while they were sparring with a couple of their cousins.

"Eh, I think I'll be going now." he said as he started backing away. "I'll come back once you've cooled down a bit."

The best way to deal with Madara when he was in this state was to smile, nod, back away slowly, and a soon as you were out of his sight, run for it as if the hounds of Hell were on your heels. If you were one of the people on the exceedingly short list of people Madara cared for, you might even survive.

Of the two of them, he'd been the one to come up with the ideas, and Madara had been the one who figured out what it took to get them to work and actually did it. He was vaguely impressed that his brother, or his brother's insane counterpart rather, had actually figured out how to get that idiot Moon's Eye Plan to work, even if it had taken more than seventy years of continuous effort to get it off the ground.

After flying through the trees like a bat out of hell, he caught up to the Konoha mercenaries when they reached one of the numerous scattered Uchiha strongholds that littered the continent. The place was run down, mostly demolished on top of that, and the roof was on fire. It wasn't just any fire however, it was Amaterasu.

"If someone would care to hand me a blank scroll," he said. "I'll have that fire out in a jiffy."

"No need." the blond Uzumaki said, as he proved he belonged to his clan by creating his own fire storing scroll. "Ero-Senin taught me how to do this."

Soon, the fire was out, and it was safe for the group to make their way to an unconscious Uchiha Sasuke and a corpse that was presumably that of the Uchiha Itachi he'd heard about from the mercenaries.

Itachi...Weasel. He was named after a type of weasel...Aw crap. His only chance to meet his namesake in this universe, and he arrives several minutes too late.

Madara, who'd apparently cooled down a bit during the trip over since he was doing his best to show that he was giving him the cold shoulder rather than trying to rend him limb from limb, arrived while one of the leaders of the mercenary group was putting Uchiha Itachi's corpse into a storage scroll. He walked through the group as if they weren't there, securely bound Sasuke with rope, and picked him up as if he were about to carry him off.

"I'm sorry you came all this way for nothing." Madara said, sounding not the least bit apologetic. "But Sasuke's going with me."

"I've got one question." Izuna said while the others prepared to fight to get their "comrade" back.

"What?" Madara asked, clearly still irritated with him for his calling the plan he'd wasted seventy years of effort on stupid.

"Why are you taking him?" he asked. "He's a total ass. He's the reason I was forced to leave that red haired goddess who was willing to do just about anything and everything for and with me."

"Define everything." Madara said. From the sound of it, he was seriously contemplating his question.

He walked over to his brother and whispered in his ear.

Madara promptly threw Sasuke on the ground as soon as he was finished.

"I've changed my mind. You guys can keep him." Madara said.

"Why?" the pink haired girl asked in shock.

"For some strange reason I still get fangirls, and not all of them are over the age of fifty." Madara said. "Having Fugaku's disagreeable brat around will most definitely cramp my style. And to think, I was going to do this totally awesome thing where I convince him to destroy Konoha by telling him about how Itachi sacrificed everything including the clan to protect the place..."

**Edited on 2-21-12.**


	3. Chapter 3

"ITACHI WHAT? !" the entire Konoha contingent yelled in shock. From the way the silver haired guy had manhandled Itachi's corpse into the storage scroll, Itachi had been about as popular with the mercenary group as he had been with Sasuke, so it wasn't all that surprising to him that the group from Konoha were shocked to learn that Itachi had actually been a hero of sorts.

Killing the clan, or taking part in the killing of the clan considering the fact that this universe's Madara had said something about getting revenge on the rest of the clan by going on a killing spree with his great-great-grandson, wasn't cool by any stretch of the imagination, and he was beginning to understand why Sasuke - who was still an asshole by the way - had been obsessed with killing Itachi. Sasuke had neglected to mention that little tidbit earlier when he was going on and on about how he was going to kill his brother however.

"Oh? You guys didn't know? That little twerp Danzo ordered Itachi to kill his clan to prevent the Fourth Shinobi World War, because the lot of them turned traitor and were planning on taking Konoha over by force, which would have in turn destabilized the entire Fire Country, which would have made it look like easy pickings to Kumo and Iwa who would have invaded, dragging Suna into the mix as there is some sort of treaty between Suna and Konoha, which would have in turn caused Kiri to attack Kumo while they were distracted by Suna and Konoha, and next thing you know, World War IV." Madara replied in a falsely casual tone of voice while he pretended to buff his fingernails on his shirt and examine them, which was an impossible task considering the fact he was wearing gloves.

"I joined in on the whole Clan Massacre act to get my revenge on them for throwing me out. I'd have left them and the village for that matter alone until the end like I had been doing for nearly seven decades prior to then - excluding that little incident with the Kyuubi - if it weren't for what that little brat Obito did when I snuck into the old Uchiha district to get my favorite kind of bread which you couldn't get anywhere else, and couldn't get at all after the chaos and destruction Obito caused when he tried to pull my mask off." Madara continued.

"That really happened? !" the silver haired ninja whose name was Kakashi yelled, sounding shocked.

Everyone turned to look at the gray haired ninja, including Madara.

"Obito always turned up late and had the lamest excuses for doing so. I always thought that most if not all of them were bullshit like mine are, and that Sensei was pulling my leg when he told me that they were the truth." the gray haired ninja said in response to the looks everyone was giving him.

"One day he turned up three hours late, looking as if he'd gotten into a fight with a blender in a flour mill, claiming that he'd battled with a "masked invader", and had chased him off. Since nobody said anything about said masked invader afterward, I figured that he'd had some sort of accident and that his excuse was just a stupid childish lie he'd come up with to make himself look better for Rin." the gray haired ninja continued, concluding his tale.

"Well, getting back on track, I'm leaving, and you can keep the little cockblocker. With that attitude of his, the Uchiha clan will be extinct soon. Well, except for me of course." Madara said as he kicked the unconscious boy he'd dropped. "Oh, and Izuna."

"Ta ta for now." Madara said as he ran off.

Nobody moved to intercept him, as they had learned earlier that it would be a pointless gesture, since Madara had somehow acquired the ability to become intangible, making capture practically impossible.

"Well, wanna help us bring Sasuke back to Konoha?" Naruto asked Izuna as he picked up the unconscious cockblo- er, teen.

"Yeah, sure, why not? I've got nothing better to do." he replied. It was the truth after all.

After running for a long while, the Konoha group plus Izuna and their mission objective reached Konoha's gates. The blond Uzumaki who may have actually been named after the ramen topping considering his obsession with the food hadn't stopped talking about Konoha and the things he would do when he got back there - namely eat ramen, sleep in his bed, eat ramen, hang out with Lee, eat ramen, tend to some plants he got before he left, and eat ramen - throughout the entire journey. From the looks on everyone else's faces, he wasn't the only one who was tired of listening to him. Even Sasuke who was still unconscious thanks to a seal that the silver haired mercenary had put on him looked as if he wanted to shut off his ability to hear. Either that, or wrap his hands around the Uzumaki's throat until the stopped talking...permanently.

Izuna stared up at the high wall that surrounded what looked like a city rather than the small collection of houses and tents he'd been half expecting this Konoha place to be, and was impressed in spite of himself. Up on the side of the cliff that wasn't too far in the distance which formed the border for the far end of the "village", five faces had been carved. Of the five faces, three were strangers, and the last two...well, he hoped it was his failing eyesight, but he was almost certain that he recognized them, and where he recognized them from was the other side of the battlefield.

"That's a rather interesting er, cliff you've got there." he said as he pointed to the cliffside where the faces were carved after he'd fully taken in his view of the "Hidden" "Village".

"That's the Hokage monument." one of the girls said. "The faces of the Hokages are carved into the side of the cliff after they take office."

"Going from left to right, the first one's Senju Hashirama, the second is Senju Tobirama, the third is Sarutobi Hiruzen, the fourth is my former sensei Namikaze Minato, and the fifth is the current Hokage Tsunade, Senju Hashirama's granddaughter." the gray haired ninja who was named Kakashi said.

"My face is going up there next! Believe it dattebayo!" the blond Uzumaki yelled, jumping up into the air and nearly dropping his prisoner whom he'd insisted on carrying the whole way back to Konoha because of something that had something to do with some promise he'd made to the pink haired babe, which had oddly enough caused the Hyuuga girl who was also hot to shoot jealous glares at the pink haired babe throughout the entire trip back.

"Where do the Uchiha come into all of this?" Izuna asked, wondering why everything seemed to be about the Senju.

"They made a peace agreement with the Senju, helped found Konoha, and served as the village's police force for generations. As for that whole coup thing that supposedly led to their extinction that masked guy was talking about, there are bad apples in every bunch, Uchiha Madara being a prime example." the brown haired adult in the group said.

"How was Madara a prime example?" Izuna asked. Madara, at least the real Madara rather than the insane bizzarro version of his brother that belonged to this universe, was the strongest and most well respected member of his clan.

"After Senju Hashirama was elected Shodai Hokage, Uchiha Madara summoned the Kyuubi and tried to kill him with it at the Valley of the End." the brown haired adult said.

"Madara tried to kill Hashirama with the Kyuubi? Awesome!" Izuna exclaimed, amazed at the coolness of his older brother.

Every conscious member of the group that he was with, and the gate guards who were checking them in turned and looked at him as if he'd just ripped a kitten's head off and started eating it raw in front of them.

"What?" he asked.

**Edited 2-21-12**


	4. Chapter 4

Izuna struggled to keep his eyes on the Hokage's face. Considering how attractive the Hokage was despite the fact that she looked like the Senju she was, this wasn't normally a problem. The carving on the mountain clearly didn't do her justice, as it didn't give anyone any clue about her rather sizable...assets.

It was as his eyes were once more being wrenched away from the Godaime Hokage's rather ample bust that he caught some of the report the group from this village was making which concerned him.

"Hey, hang on a second, I'm not that little...I'm not Sasuke's brother illegitimate or otherwise." he piped up.

"Who are you, and why did you let us believe that you were his brother?" the Hokage asked, looking as if a wrong answer would be a signature on his death warrant.

"I'm Izuna, Uchiha Madara's little brother. I ended up here after I experimented with my Mangekyo Sharingan to see if it was possible to bend space and time. There was a bit of a mix-up because I believed that Sasuke was my counterpart in this universe since we looked so much alike, and I thought he wanted me to join up with him to kill Madara, not that Itachi guy. It turned out that it was another Taka/Hibachi situation, sort of." He replied.

"Taka/Hibachi situation?" the group all asked.

"A while back two feuding parties within the clan each gave birth to a son who very strongly resembled his great-grandfather. As both boys shared the same great-grandfather, both boys were virtually identical. On more than one occasion, both families had dragged the wrong boy home at the end of the day, which caused quite the ruckus." he replied.

Several people snickered as they pictured the situation he'd described. He could tell from experience that watching it was infinitely more amusing than imagining it. The undercover mission where Taka and Hibachi had been forced to pass themselves off as a pair of twins had been a riot, since both of them had continued their families' feud.

Eventually, after the group had finished their report and he had informed the Hokage that his intention was to go home as soon as he figured out how to do so, and had a long conversation with some guy who was completely covered in scars named Ibiki and a Yamanaka named Inoichi he was released, given directions to the Uchiha district, and told he could pretty much do what he wanted as long as he didn't break any of the local laws. The first thing he did was try to make his way to the local library with the pass he'd been given to look up said laws so he didn't get dragged off by law enforcement for something completely stupid like spitting on the sidewalk.

Things would have been easier if he knew where the library was. He'd tried to get directions, but his exceedingly strong resemblance to his descendant didn't do him any favors. Uchiha Sasuke was popular alright, but for all the wrong reasons. It seemed that the Hokage had sent out his only friends in the entire world to retrieve him, as for everyone else here...

As he looked up at the outside entrance to the psychiatric ward of the local hospital, he mused that he shouldn't have trusted that little kid's directions considering the shit eating grin the kid had on his face as he gave them. The blond Uzumaki freak of nature managed to escape the hospital as he turned to leave.

"Hey, Izuna!" the Uzumaki called out when he spotted him. "Sasuke's awake, and the doctor said he could have a couple visitors before his interrogation!"

"And this concerns me how?" he asked over his shoulder as he walked off.

"Don't be silly, you're family. Of course you'll be visiting him!" the Uzumaki yelled as he grabbed him and dragged him towards the hospital. He briefly considered killing the boy but decided it wasn't worth all of the trouble of having every last one of the shinobi in the "village" out for his blood. Fighting the boy on this issue could have similarly troublesome results.

Soon, he found himself sitting in a white room watching as his or the other him's great-great-grandson struggled to get out of his restraints so he could strangle the blond boy who wouldn't stop talking at him. If he'd known it would be like this, he wouldn't have been nearly as reluctant to visit. A medic came in with a clipboard which probably held the answer to the other matter he'd decided to deal with since he was at a medical facility that had the resources to do so.

"Congratulations." the medic said with a slightly amused smile. "It was a girl who had a girl who had a girl who had a boy."

Uchiha Sasuke's eyes widened at this.

"YOU MEAN I'M RELATED TO THAT IDIOT? !" his, or rather his other great-great-grandson roared.

"You wouldn't happen to have the Sharingan would you?" he asked the Uzumaki freak of nature who was of his, or rather this universe's Izuna's blood while the Uchiha boy suffered some sort of panic attack at the thought of being related to said Uzumaki freak of nature. Why did the only family he had in this universe have to be either insane or an asshole or both?

"Nope." the Uzumaki replied. "I got something even better, though being related to you guys explains how I got it."

"What could be better than the Sharingan?" he and Sasuke asked at the same time.

"You know that part of the brain the Uchiha have that keeps you from suffering from total visual overload so you can keep functioning in battle?" the Uzumaki asked.

"...Yes." Sasuke replied, as he wondered where this was going.

"Mine works better than most." the Uzumaki said grinning proudly. "How else do you think I can have a thousand Kage Bunshin dispel at once without my brain frying? Of course it was the reason it took me nearly four years to realize that I keep my clones' memories, but..."

As he was trying to process the idea of being able to create a thousand Kage Bunshin, one of the doctors came in, informed them that their visiting time was up, and practically chased them out of the room. From there, the Uzumaki offered to walk him to the Uchiha district. Though he didn't want to admit it, he was quite lost since his trip through the "village" had gotten him turned around, so he took the boy up on his offer and did his best to tune out the boy's constant nattering.

"...and then Iruka-sensei made me clean up the entire monument..." the Uzumaki was saying as they reached the "Uchiha District".

He took one look at the abandoned and crumbling district and made a decision.

"Yeah...no." he said. "I'm not staying here."

"You can stay at my place Jiichan!" the Uzumaki yelled.

"I think I'll find a room at an inn." he said before turning away and walking off.

Three inns, two suspicious looking "motels", and any number of rejections from the local women later, he gave his search for a room for the night up as a lost cause and went searching for the Uzumaki. There was no way in hell he'd be sleeping out in the open in the middle of a city, and the Uzumaki had to shut up when he went to sleep right? Right?

&!&!&!&

Naruto sighed as he once again resisted the urge to use his great-great-grandfather's toothbrush to clean his toilet. The man had popped by in the middle of the night three nights ago, scattered his belongings throughout the apartment, and vanished never to be seen again the next morning.

As he was getting dressed for the day, someone started angrily pounding on his door. When he answered it, it was to find Sai's boss and a couple of those not-ANBU guys holding up his great-great-grandfather who looked a bit worse for wear on his doorstep.

"Keep your Uchiha out of Root headquarters or Sharingan or no Sharingan I'll neuter him myself." Sai's boss snarled as the two not-ANBU guys heaved his great-great-grandpa into his apartment, narrowly missing him as he hastily got out of the way.

_If I knew that this guy was going to be this much trouble, I probably wouldn't have signed all those papers making him my responsibility. _he mused as Sai's boss and the two not-ANBU walked away.

"No emotions my ass." his great-great-grandfather said with a smug smile as he tried to tend to a series of scratches that ran down his back with supplies from _his_ First-Aid kit.


	5. Chapter 5

Izuna was having a much better day than his first day in Konoha had been. He'd found the thrice damned library that he'd wasted so much time looking for shortly after his arrival, and word had gotten out that he wasn't Sasuke who was apparently still in the secure wing of the psych ward of Konoha's shinobi hospital. Once the matter of his identity had been sort of cleared up, the locals had been much nicer to him and somewhat apologetic about his prior treatment. More importantly, the local women had been much nicer to him, and more interested when they discovered that he wasn't an asexual prick like his great-great-grandson. The Uchiha, not the blond Uzumaki freak of nature whose apartment he'd moved out of the instant one of the local inns had a vacancy that he could fill. He wasn't entirely sure if the Uzumaki knew what sex was, and while he wanted his, or rather his counterpart's line to continue, he was somewhat glad that the boy apparently didn't know enough about sexual intercourse to fill a teaspoon.

When it came to money, well, he'd discovered during his wandering that the currency he'd carried on his person was far more valuable than the current currency, and that some people were willing to pay several times its face value to acquire bills and coins that were "pre-founding" as collectors items after tests had proven them to be genuine. He had managed to turn half of his previously available funds into a sizable wad of cash. He didn't turn them all on the off chance that he managed to make it home before he ran out of the local currency. He didn't want to be stuck with money that had about as much use and value as toilet paper when he got back after all.

Currently, he was sitting in the library rooting through old books and documents, having a peek at the more interesting ones with his Sharingan which was useful for more than just copying Jutsus and fighting styles. Right now, he was reading something that the Senju had housed in the library and hadn't looked at in the seventy years since, a document written by the Sage of the Six Paths which detailed the location of the legacy he'd left the his younger son when he was handing out his sons' inheritance on his deathbed.

From the looks of things, the younger brother who had been ancestor to the Senju hadn't been able to claim his legacy due to the fact that it had been the brother their father had stiffed who had the abilities necessary to reach it, the irony of which was absolutely freaking hilarious. Madara would have a good laugh over this one if he ever saw it, especially if he came up with a way to get said item and pull one over on the Senju.

If he ever found a way to get home, the first person he'd show this document, or rather a facsimile of it since the Librarian was watching him like a hawk in case he damaged one of her precious historical documents which she had only grudgingly allowed him to view after he'd spent several hours charming her would be Madara.

As he was reading the scroll that the Sage of the Six Paths had left behind for his son, the blond Uzumaki Freak of Nature came up to him to see what he was doing, and started reading over his shoulder. When he turned to the little brat in order to get him to shove off, he found him looking as if he'd just been inspired by something.

"What?" he asked the boy.

The Uzumaki who he would desperately love to deny was related to him pointed at a sketch near the bottom of the scroll.

"That looks like it could take you there if it were finished, but it would be useless since it would take like a year to recharge in order to get you back if it works the way I think it does." the Uzumaki said.

"Why don't you finish it then?" he asked, not even bothering to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. A seal based on the small sketch on the bottom of the page which had undoubtedly been done by an Uzumaki sealing genius who had the bare bones of an idea at some point long after the scroll was written that would actually be able to take someone to another world would have to be incredibly complicated, and almost impossible to achieve, especially considering the fact that the Uzumaki who had started the sketch hadn't been able to finish the seal.

"Fine, I will!" the Uzumaki snapped before storming off.

A week later, while he was busy drinking the Senju woman who ruled the village under the table the Uzumaki who looked like he hadn't bathed or even slept in several days stormed into the bar and victoriously slammed a scroll down in front of him. When he opened it, it was to find a two part seal that looked like it would actually work.

"See! I told you I could do it DATTEBAYO!" the Uzumaki yelled in his ear, nearly deafening him as he swiped the scroll from his hands. Fortunately, he'd had his Sharingan activated when he'd seen said object as he had been attempting to cast a genjutsu on the Hokage that would make her take her top off. No such luck so far.

Three days later, after he'd won a drinking competition that involved half of the T&I department, he found himself glad that he'd managed to get a look at that scroll with his Sharingan, as he had gone outside to demonstrate for the entire bar exactly how he had gotten to this bizarre world where his brother was insane and the most likable member of his family was a blond Uzumaki freak of nature who was also annoying as hell and found himself back in the Uchiha camp just as the sun was rising.

After doing several tests, he determined that he actually was back home.

The first thing he did when he confirmed this fact was race to his brother's tent to tell him about the most amazing adventure he'd just had.


	6. Epilogue

Madara frowned before racing back to the person he'd assigned with looking after the clan for the year that he and Izuna would be away before giving the man some final final last-minute instructions. With that task done, he was as ready as he would ever be for his journey. A year was a small price to pay in order to get a definite victory over the Senju, and taking the Senju's legacy from them out from under their noses was better than any victory that could be earned in battle.

After readjusting his heaviest winter cloak and his pack once more, he went to join his brother who was similarly attired in the middle of a sealing array. With a flash, they were gone from their world, and into the world where the Sage had hidden his younger son's legacy.

Rather than there being snow as he'd been led to expect, a bright summer sun was shining down from a clear and cloudless blue sky on a massive lawn that stretched out towards a forest in one direction, and some sort of fortress in another, and extended down a road and into the distance in another.

He couldn't kill the brat who created the seal because he was a world away and in a future that wouldn't happen, but he could settle on his brother who had dragged him into this mess...

&!&!&!&!&

In another timeline, Uzumaki Naruto activated the seal that Sai had helped him trap the resurrected Uchiha Madara and his clone Tobi in. While this wouldn't end the battle for him, it would give his comrades a year to regroup and come up with a plan that would defeat the two of them. Hopefully, when they got back from the world of ice and snow where they were going, half the Kunoichi force wouldn't be too pregnant to fight...

&!&!&!&!&

In two different timelines, Albus Dumbledore looked out the window, found that there were some complete strangers standing on the lawn, and thanked every deity he could think of that his prayers had been answered. He would be able to tell Fudge that that toad from the Ministry that he was planning to send over wasn't needed.

Now, if he could just catch them, or at least one of them, and persuade them that teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts was in their best interests...


End file.
